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Modern men and women desirous of increased commerce have been swindled. Those seduced by digital gewgaws and the fashions of modernity demand a challenge. The principles of sound business practice have too long been subsumed by four-eyed charlatans spouting nonsense about intangibles. Herewith do I present to my fellows in mercantilism an unholy trinity to be shunned henceforth in the name of profits.

Item the first – Electrified telegrams, kinetic phototypes and their ilk are pure nonsense and frippery. For commanding the attention of the consumer classes, innovation and efficacy reached their acme with the development of the soapbox. Hawking, barking, and associated auditory performances snap the ambulatory dullard to attention and stimulate the spending reflexes. Those with insufficient purchase on a pedestrian thoroughfare for the practice of these techniques would be well to employ ambassadors to call upon each resident of their district individually with a sharp rap upon their door. To do any less is equivalent to setting one’s storeroom alight.

Item the second – Distinguishing products by name, image, or other signifying marks is an illegitimate and un-sporting practice. Purveyors of goods or services should never besmirch their honor by stooping to attracting the eye of the wage-spender with colored inks or pithy slogans. Integrity demands that superiority be demonstrated in the brutal theater of the market. To call attention to oneself otherwise is inherently undignified, and beneath the station of the merchant.

Item the third – Prognosticators, soothsayers, and analysts are flim-flammers. The fraudulent perpetuation of nonsensical notions that sentiments of the consuming populace can be divined through interrogation and inference are quackery of the highest order. A merchant must rely upon superior instinct in order to divine the course of future action. Soliciting the input of commoners demeans the enterprise of all responsible business folk.

Heed these words ye purveyors, manufacturers, and lading-men. The future belongs to the stiff and sturdy. Huzzah for the soap box, the plain wrapper, and the decision by fiat, the trident by which success shall be speared from the pockets of your prey!